Then quickly got dark… But the stars served as candles illuminating what was the most beautiful in that scenario: You.

Your hair moved gracefully in the wind and the light that the full moon gave out enveloped the whole place. And how beautiful it was, darling.

As a child, you played and laughed with the blue butterflies, which danced around you. They welled up from my full heart and my nervous stomach, happy for meeting you.

Smiles, tears, and gestures of affection sprang up endlessly on my face, and my eyes couldn’t stop looking at you… I could have sworn that at another time and in another place, fairies would appear as little points of light to play with you as well.

We danced the night away.

How wonderful it was to have you in my arms and look deeply into your eyes, feeling your heart beating with every step we took… It was the sweetest and noblest sight ever seen by a human being.

The hours grew long and our parting became short. In a simple whispered prayer, I begged my lips to part with millions of “goodbyes” and thousands of “goodnights” not given. Hoping this angel would forgive my sins and bless my old soul.

So I lean my head down and I lift up my hands to pray.

I read in the glow of your eyes
My body - presumed dead -
Re-born.

I write on the sheet of your body
My name - before voiceless or peace -
Re-cited.

Quiet and whole by your side
I offer you my face
I extend my hand to you
I am within reach of your soul.

Taking easy, I can see you in me;
And see me in you;
Body and soul;
Reflections, echoes, complete pieces:
Love.

There was a ring in my drawer, this one made from a pink straw, simple and immature, like my love.
There was a ring in my drawer, this one made of paper, soft and fragile, and my love grew with it.
There was a ring in my drawer, this one made from the roots and stems of plants and flowers, secure and braided, and my love molded to it.
There was a ring in my drawer, this one made of silver, shiny and gray, like a sunny, rainy day where my love died and was reborn.
There was a ring in my drawer, this one made of gold. There were no more doubts.
There was a ring in my heart, this one invisible… Made of knots and strings. This one I carry with me, forevermore.

alwyntheefaerie:

T…

It’s been much more than a year now. In that time, I almost died several times. I’ve been through so many problems, that they seem to hunt me down. I met a lot of people, but not all of them marked me like you. Today should be the day I would bother you to remember my birthday and to spend the day with me. I really wanted to bring you close, but it’s hard. I thought all these years would erase your name, at least, from my mind. Impossible. If it was before, I would be running to your house right now, spending more than 5 minutes at the door, just to have enough courage to scream your name. You’d listen and be scared. You’d close your eyes, take a deep breath and call me whore. Then you would check out the window just to see if it was really me. But you liked it, didn’t you? I can tell you that you are the only one.

My feelings have changed and they always change or be better, but I can’t say how much they change or be better, but they do evolve. You know, all these years I was so empty, completely empty, and believe it or not, I couldn’t even write. The magic was over and all I could see was gray. Nothing could lift me up, not even you. By the way, you’ve changed so much! I’m not just talking about the physical. You’re freer, but you’re still all clumsy. I bet the sparkles in your eyes are still the same, including the laugh that I never get tired of remembering. T… It’s been a long time.

I met someone who is as indecipherable as you are. She was the one who resurrected me exactly to the time when my best version was with you. I found it as grandiose as it was divine. I don’t feel empty like I used to, on the contrary, now the words pop up in my mouth and in my mind, all day long. Resonating and resonating. I feel strong as if I could do anything. My skin and my veins burn night and day and I am no longer cold. No, she’s not there, and to be honest, I don’t want her to be. It’s interesting, isn’t it? This thing about the power you give to someone. On the pedestal, you put that person who is very valuable to you. But I didn’t put her on any pedestal, on mine, there is only you, the one that no one will takedown. What I feel for you is so strong, that not even the action of time can destroy. Not even divine intervention would break that bond. But she… I don’t want her to disappear or fall off a pedestal, because like it or not, some people disappear more easily or die for you, in a painful way for many reasons because of those pedestals. If I keep it a secret, little by little, she will still be there intact, won’t she?

I still want to see your children. I still want to bring you here and take you to places you’ve never known or dreamed of going. It’s not the same without you. Nothing is the same without you. Nothing is really fun without you. You may not feel the vibrations of my words, but I wish you could feel the warmth. I still look to people for the same warmth as your body and I only like those where temperatures converge, so there are few that I say I love. And of my love, you know well.

Well, it’s still my birthday and my wish is that I can always meet you in every possible lifetime.

Dear Little Girl…

The sky couldn’t be more full of stars. Holding your hand for the last time drained all the energy I had. I should have died from lack of air… I can’t put into words how much my feelings are flying around the room. I probably won’t be able to sleep. Dancing with you, immortalizing your smile in photos and doing something that no one had done before, kneeling down, will stay in my memory until the day I die. Our farewell was epic. There should be a million reasons to love you, and maybe there are, but I won’t know until I leave. I will only know if it will last for all eternity losing you. But I leave you in good hands… It was a pleasure to have followed this journey with you… Let me see what your next projections will be. I probably won’t see the troubles you’re going to get yourself into, but next time, save them all for me. I’ll remember your eyes shining and the touch of your hands. I will remember your smell and the sound of your voice. Like this, no change and I’ll probably hate myself forever for still remembering all this and you don’t.

Little Girl…

When I got to despair of wanting to give up on everything, your voice still resonated in my head begging me not to give up. You have always been my strength and my biggest weakness. I’d drop anything if you called my name, but it’s complicated how all this is changing. Those hallways were so cold… But then it was all in slow motion. You turning the corner, hurried and all clumsy. I was ready. I swear I was, but your presence there broke me, so much so that I overstepped the bounds of my words. I didn’t see anything else there but you. It had been so long, I didn’t even recognize you anymore. That’s the effect of time… But you didn’t stay. My words do. Are you ready for the last act? This is the greatest gift I can give you right now. How would you like to be remembered? I want to say goodbye to this cold version and take you home once again. Do people see a piece of you in me when they look into my eyes? Because my mirror does, every day.

T…

Today I won an award for best poetry ever written in the university class. Can you believe I recited it to you? It really was one of the best I’ve ever done in my life. Nobody realized that it was actually more of a farewell letter… But I got tears, including my own. I will dedicate my last work to you, so you will be immortalized for years and years, as the only owner of my heart. I want to tell the stories that no one knows, nor your friends, neither your parents. I want to tell about the days of Saturday and Sunday. I want them to know about the adventures we’ve had and all the times I’ve held your hand. I want to tell about your funny laugh and the smell of your skin… I want to tell how much I care about you and how devastating it would be not having you around anymore. I want everyone to know that you were the beginning, the middle and the end of what I am today. I want to remember every breath you took and every breath I take when I hear your name. Nobody cares like I do and nobody understands the details like I do. No one should hate you as much and love you as I do. If my poetry could talk about how much they suffered to be born, everyone would know the strength of what I feel for you. How much it hurts to see you disappearing more and more with each passing corner. Immortality is not enough to make all this go away. For you to leave. It will never be enough. You are in everything I write and everything I say. You’re in every piece of this damn city and this damn skin. You will never change, so I know I will be safe here, in this piece of paper.

Dear Camz,

I’m under this damn tree begging you to skip class and stay with me here. The days are approaching and my God, how I wish they didn’t come. One more month is a knife being thrust into my heart very slowly. Do you think you’ll end up forgetting me? I’m thinking of all the possibilities of not losing you. Being with you was easier, painful, but better than having to deal with all this rush and still having to deal with goodbyes. God knows how much I’d like to stay here… Not here exactly, because I hate this city and I hate the air and I hate the people, but I love you… That part of you that makes me stay and want to die here. I would wish I didn’t have to go. Couldn’t you be here and just piss me off again? Couldn’t you just throw me a dry bitter smile or leave me a painful slap mark like before? Couldn’t you just say you hate me and yell at me to leave? Couldn’t you ask me to stay again? Everyone keeps asking me what I have, and it’s hard to explain that I miss you, because no one would really understand that it’s not a normal lack. It’s a void full of things never said before and fear, a lot of fear. It’s almost torturous. Probably one day I’ll look at all those papers and laugh at the things I’ve written, maybe I’ve matured, right? But that would be so sad, to look at the papers and just laugh without missing it, that’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want to leave you like this, I can’t leave you like this. But what could I do if you don’t want to be here yourself?

Dear Little Girl,

Do you know what I’m doing now? No, you probably don’t. I’m listening to your favorite songs while writing a thesis and a book. I started to hate writing, can you imagine? Me? Hating literature? It’s been very difficult to bear the pressure of more than ten teachers on me, and the pressure of not being able to be without you for more than a month. I write a few lines and think: “What would she say about this here?” or “What would she say to me now?”. I hate that I can’t think straight because I’m worried that I don’t know anything about you, but I’m trying to learn not to come to you. Want to know something? It sucks. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at my door waiting for you to show up out of nowhere, as if that were even possible. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe when I know I can get down on your block and want to run to you, but even though I want to, I can’t. It’s like an absurd fear of breaking me into many pieces. But sometimes I just sit there, waiting and waiting, hoping you don’t show up and dismantle me, but wishing you were there, just to break me. It’s confuse.

How are you? Any smoke signal would do. Throw a pebble at my window, spray paint my wall or send me a note carved into a grain of rice… But don’t disappear, please.

To the Birthday Girl with a C in the name.

February 3rd, 2022

Seven minutes and twenty-two seconds. From the ceiling dripped monotonous drops. The taps were just metaphors for words that ran through me. Open and close. Hands that opened and closed pressure valves, interrupting emerging currents so as not to leak the truth. The dawn is bright like fire near the city lights. Your clear feature would be extinguished if I touched it. A Requiem with the most beautiful notes. I’ve never met someone like this before and I hope I never find it, because would stop being a projection and become unique, like a stone never before cut or found. More precious than gold. More genuine than emerald. More coveted than diamond or ruby.

I’ve seen this movie over and over again, but I can’t get enough of it. You are my homeland, where it’s good to come back sometimes to rest, but when you leave, you’re left with a good taste of nostalgia and new stories to tell. Grateful to have been born in you. Proud and happy. Second, third and hundredth chance. All this time picking dry branches to warm the winter, which doesn’t take long to pass. Can you read my mind? I wouldn’t change things or the warning signs. The greatest films were those that weren’t made, but that were left on paper waiting for the eyes of now. You never know.

A field of flowers. The woody essence of oak and pine trees. Sea water on a hot morning. Something that cannot be framed in photographs. The smell of the shiver and affection present in your eyes. The sweat of your skin with the industrial air. The smile of a productive day. The fears and tensions of a sleepless night. Everything can be described as art, which flows into a warm and peaceful waterfall in the infinity of a threshold edge.

There is this fervor in my soul, the one I try to write over and over and in the infinite cold, it resonates over and over again, like the breeze in my ear on a summer night. I know what I’m fighting for, but I set my heart on a trigger. Surrounded by numbers, walls of insincerity, fickle eyes, and the emptiness, the one where you are never being, because I am full of you. Say you’ll remember me in a beautiful sunset-colored dress. Say it that I will be a memory and not a remembrance that slips through your fingers.

Your train is booked for the night time when the lights are most beautiful from above. You’re not sure which is worse. I’m not sure what I know, but I follow you without cheating the steps. Mine and Yours.